3 Tips to Handling a Narcissist | Learn how to Protect Yourself! Stephanie Lyn Coaching

February 26, 2020

Hey guys, welcome back. Thanks for joining me for another video this week I want to dive into three tips to help you manage yourself when you are dealing with someone who’s narcissistic So the very first thing is learn how to manage your expectations and this sounds very simple. Okay, I’ll lower the bar I’m going to expect this person to do and be because I know that they’re not capable but people really struggle with this and the reason why they struggle with it is because they themselves Are a good healthy person and they want to believe that in the other person they want to believe that the other person is a nice caring person And unfortunately when we come from that place in my personal opinion I think that sometimes that’s a naive way of living because not everyone is a good kind person. I also see where people get really Tripped up is in these obsessive thoughts trying to figure out this person. So why did they do what they do? Why are they this way and this obsessive thought with trying to understand why someone is the way they are and they get in this obsessive thought or obsessive way of thinking gets them stuck on this hamster wheel and never Really accepting this person for who they are so a narcissist will always show you who they are based on their actions because even if you Are dealing with someone who is a nice narcissist. They’re always going to resort back to that egotistical selfish Unreasonable relentless abusive behavior at some point and it’s your job To see this person and see their pattern. So if you’re dealing with someone who’s healthy and Takes responsibility for themselves. Then the pattern will be maybe not every single time They’re gonna be a perfect human being and say the right things and do the right things now They’re gonna mess up from time to time They might say something that is hurtful because they themselves are upset But they will own their part in the relationship own the stuff that they did You know in the dynamic between you two and it will resolve itself over time Where this person is when you’re dealing with someone who’s narcissistic that will never happen because they’ll never take responsibility Excuse me responsibility for their own actions. They’ll always project That stuff that baggage those inner wounds that they themselves have which is severe deep insecurity on to someone else There are two phrases that when I was going through Situations where I’ve had to deal with someone who’s narcissistic or even someone who’s just really toxic and unhealthy? My aunt used to say two things to me and though these two phrases always stuck with me number one You can’t make sense out of nonsense So it allowed me to not be so obsessive with my thinking and trying to figure out this person and why they are the way they are and Me wanting to really believe that this person was a good person I had to understand that while the core of them right because we’re all loved while the core of them might be love There’s a huge wall that’s in front of that part of themselves. That’s their defense mechanism and that’s that narcissism right there that narcissism will never let that wall go down in order to get to the core of that person because they’re so Scared and they’ve been so damaged and they’ve been so abused on some level that that wall is there to stay and it’s almost impossible Really to get that wall down. So Because of that you can’t make sense out of nonsense. You can believe that everyone is good But when someone’s showing you who they are It doesn’t matter if you can see through to someone and you you know that everyone’s a good loving person when someone showing you that They’re not treating you the way that you deserve to be treated. It’s it doesn’t even matter it’s irrelevant the other phrase that she always would say to me is don’t try to get water from a rock and That just always stuck in me So every time I had to interact with this person the minute the door opened the minute I went into their office the minute I had to pick up a phone and call them whatever interaction it was even over email Whenever I got the email back I had to know that I cannot expect this Person to do the right thing to say the right thing and I had to remind myself time and time again Where it became tricky? Was when they would show me bits and pieces of being normal where they would show me like moments when they’re trying to be reasonable or When they were trying to say the right thing and do the right thing and I had to know that there’s always an agenda With this person cuz at the end of the day, whatever good they’re giving you it’s just because they want something in return so the next tip is Practicing having good boundaries with this person because this person is going to constantly want to violate a boundary They’re gonna constantly want to tiptoe on what is acceptable and not acceptable so knowing what you want how you want to be treated being able to verbally communicate that with another person and then Disengaging. So this is where you know in order to be a really powerful self loving confident person when you’re dealing with someone who’s narcissistic because that ego is Huge and they are completely egotistical. They constantly think that they’re right. They’re manipulative I mean we can go down the list forever with us but the point is is that you have to be self loving and in order to be self loving you have to be able to Really protect yourself and and by protecting yourself what I mean by that is really just protecting your energy So when I talk about self parenting you have to imagine that you are the child and you are Summe you are the parent to your own child to that inner child and you need to protect that child So anytime you wouldn’t send a child in to have an interaction with someone who’s completely abusive Absolutely, not. You would tell that child. You stand behind me and I’m gonna handle this situation and in order to handle the situation you have to be able to verbally communicate with another human being but also You know, hold on to yourself and keep yourself intact So we’re not going to this is where we start working on how to respond to someone versus reacting to someone This is where we begin to work on. Are we overly explaining ourselves because we want someone to Be okay with our decision and what we have to say and that’s something that when you start to do those two things react versus respond or You know overly explain yourself. What you’re doing is you’re lowering your vibration you’re showing this other person Hey I’m not really confident and Who I am and what I have to say and so I’m gonna fight back with you or I’m gonna Overly explain myself because I don’t want to get any backlash from you and so I want you to like You know think that my decision is okay and not give me any grief for it when it doesn’t matter how you say it The way you say it where you say it when you say it the little bow that you put on it before you say Narcissus is never going to like what you have to say If it is not what they want to hear so overly explaining yourself or getting emotionally entangled in something and starting to engage Really engage with this person is a waste of your time Energy, and you’re still not gonna get the outcome that you want one of the things that’s really beneficial when you are in this process is Knowing the tactics of abuse that this person likes to use on you so for me, one of the people that I’ve had to deal with in the past is Really? manipulation or a lot of guilt so those two things would constantly be thrown at me time and time again in order for me to Be more flexible with my boundaries and really just to let my wall down so they can come in and abuse me So I had to learn. Okay. What is this? What is the drink of choice that this person likes to use on me? and so when you start to understand the other person and really they’re their go-to tactics then when they start to give you some Manipulation or guilt or anything like that you immediately recognize it and you can stop it right away and not even engage with it So it’s when you don’t know that you know This is what this person is trying to do that you and you don’t have confidence in yourself that you begin dealing with the manipulation or you know when someone starts guilting you that you cave and you give in to what it is they want because they were able to Make you feel bad about the decisions that you want one of the things that is so powerful About boundaries, especially when you’re dealing with someone who’s toxic because anyone that’s in your life. That’s healthy they’re gonna respect your boundaries, but someone who is really abusive and toxic and relentless and wants what they want and Will go, you know after it no matter what is you not engaging with them to a certain point so you say your piece you detach from the Conversation and that’s you really honing in on your power So the minute you start over explaining the minute you start engaging with some You have now given your power to someone else and now they’re holding it And now what’s gonna happen? Is that energy that vibration that you have? That was so high it immediately drops and what you want to do is keep a high vibration because anyone who’s narcissistic Doesn’t want to be around anyone That is self loving that is confident that is healthy because you’re not the person that they’re gonna be able to abuse What I get often from people and I have been there myself is when people say well, you know I’m really working on boundaries and there’s still relentless. They’re still abusive It’s not working when I tell you this is a process and this isn’t just okay We’re gonna do this one time in the narcissist. The narcissistic bully is going to get in just leave you alone No, this takes time Constant time and time again of you standing up yourself in a healthy way in order to show this person that you are no longer the punching bag, you are no longer the person that’s gonna get manipulated or made to feel guilty for your decisions that you know, how to hold onto yourself and you keep that vibration high That person over time is going to eventually leave you alone because you’re not someone that’s bendable You’re not someone that they can abuse and when they you know, try to do this time and time again They’re just gonna get frustrated and move on to someone else so they can get what they want from that person So the last thing is learn how to deal with the backlash and the reason why I say this is because as you are going through the process of Enforcing your boundaries and you are doing this time and time again, what’s gonna happen is the narcissist is going to get extremely angry because number one if they’re used to a certain you they’re used to a certain personality within yourself, and they’re they’ve been able to Manipulate you and abuse you for so long if you start standing up for yourself and any way shape or form They are not gonna like that and you are going to be the target of some serious backlash The reason why you get backlash is because you have caused a narcissistic injury So basically what an injury is is just a bruise to the ego. So either they didn’t get what they want You didn’t say what they wanted to hear out of you You’re not marrying back, you know the image of themselves that they want to see etc, etc It’s basically just a child throwing a tantrum. That’s essentially what it is You’re not giving them the toy that at the store and so now they’re gonna go on the floor and start kicking and screaming The backlash that you receive Again, depending on what it is because some could be very severe and some could be just minor that you can kind of brush off But they’re going to do something at some point that really is going to cut you So they’re gonna they know exactly what to do in order to really get under your skin to cut you at your knees to hurt you so you Have got to learn how to self-soothe. You have got to learn how to hold on to yourself that This is no easy task Because you’re dealing with someone who has absolutely no empathy. That’s why I always say like to go toe to toe with one It’s really to me it’s a waste of time and even if you could do it without with Emotionally having a wall up and not be hurt by anything They’re doing or saying to you then great, but still you’re going toe to toe with a child and that’s lowering your own vibration so I always looked at this instance as Learning how to handle the backlash was me learning how to really self soothe Was really that no matter what this person was saying or doing Reminding myself of Who I am and that I’m able to take care of myself and reminding myself that what they’re doing has nothing to do with me even though it’s a it’s an attack at me and that was something that really Helped me was to accept and understand that time and time again that this person was unfortunately Suffering so bad inside and they couldn’t manage that themselves And so they had to put that anger frustration sadness, whatever it is feeling that feeling of being out of control on to someone else and Unfortunately for you for me for many of us at times that all gets targeted right at us now again some people have been in relationships for years where they’re constantly dealing with backlash or you know You might think at times like hey look the backlash that this person is giving me it’s unbearable like it’s too much at times and I totally understand because I have been there but the point of all of this of Channel of learning how to love yourself of learning how to have confidence and take care of yourself and parent yourself and soothe yourself Really being mentally and emotionally healthy because that’s what this channel is about It’s not just about learning how to deal with this toxic person and let me let me give you all of the traits of someone who’s Narcissistic all of that stuff is great. But when someone is really testing you time and time again This is your opportunity to practice all of this stuff so you might sit here and think like I can’t believe I have to deal with this person all the time and why me and Why is this happening to me? But really this person is the best teacher that you could ever have because all of the abuse that you’re getting from this person They’re giving you a test over and over and over again For you to learn how to practice doing this stuff. So every opportunity that I ever had with this person I got to a place where I just said look if I have to deal with this person I’m gonna get something out of it and every time I had to interact with this person I had to learn how to stand firm how to not give in how to deal with manipulation how to set boundaries how to enforce Boundaries how to disengage completely how to create that bubble. I had to learn how to respond constantly and never react This was all stuff that I had to learn time and time again So I know the situation at times might be difficult but I’m telling you go into these interactions as Something that is beneficial to you and gain something from this terrible experience that you have to have So I hope that this video has helped you if you have liked it Please do not forget to give it a thumbs up. Please comment down below and I will see you next week

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